On week Three of Cross Fit , Progress thus far .

Jan 7, 2013 by maketorial

1/05/2013

As 2013 has silently slide quietly in,  the most salient thing I’ve realized is that the thought of ,“being  positive,” or drawing things            { happiness + wealth + good people + happy family life + all of lives good fortunes} toward me, embraces the assumption {conjecture}  that every single thing,  what I need {desire}  is floating around myself, merely hanging around by  some kind of shrouded secretive elusive thread of hope.

It would seem that  positive thinking is simply an abstraction, perhaps an artist would envision unrealized positivism as light golden wisps of gossamer , billowing softly in the summer sun.

Since I have tried and seem disillusioned when I cannot  find reality, or true depth when I reach up and twirl some of this billowing warm golden haired positivism towards myself,  then it would make sense to reason that  I am just  self centered / lazy / idiotic.

Why,  apparently, most of life’s misfortune has manifested itself because *you* have deeply failed to endorse these hazy positive transparent swirls of positive life around you } However, I find this seesaw of wisdom childish at best and dismissive at worse.

This idea that we will find everything, {happier, sexier, friendly, wealth and health} , ours for the taking if we just, swallow the illusion of positive living.  Well that bothers me a bit, much like a half distant splinter that you kinda thought was out of your big toe and then you remember you have a damn splinter after all.   I feel this away about uber positive thinking, mostly because shitty things happen to great people.    And people, a lot of them, are given more than they can handle, or should handle- ever. So just reaching up for some intangible “healthy dose of positive thinking” suggests that doing so dissolves all thoughts that cause suffering and you just become like bad ass over night.

Just not how it works. People have histories, some of which are normal, some of which are just down right sad. Really sad. So to me inspirational quotes, talking about thinking positive and all these things { if only YOU did more positive speaking, then your life would be so much better} marginalizes real pain some people have to live with, real backgrounds, some people have some real scary stuff and they are just trying to wake up in the morning.

Instead I suggest a more humane response to ‘suggesting positive thinking’ and that is all about being honest and real. I humbly think human kindness should be shown to our friends, family members and strangers who are having difficulties, they don’t need a positive quote, or a jolly picture sent in email, or talk about ‘positive thinking will erase everything’ and then tskk when they cannot cope with this lack of support.  {Real + honest  +I am here).

You simply were not made to be so.  God created you so you could see your true selves, not a fake one shrouded in “positive thinking. All this to say, set aside the naysayers who thinking it should be easy if you just believed in positive thinking, push aside your own failure to trust in why you feel negative and a bit of self doubt starting exercising and eating correctly. It is not easy.

Fast forward week three of CrossFit. It has been tough people, really tough. I walked into this place the first day and was completely overwhelmed with what looked like some torture devices hanging around and some supreme, super fit people around. I am not talking like running a 5 K fit, I am talking like gigantic muscles popping out of the sides of their neck stuff. And no fat, I have looked, hard and cannot find any.

There is a very detached feeling you get walking into one of these type places, you feel disembodied while coping with an adrenaline rush {anxiety of survival} when faced with something completely out of ones element. It is like the first alone trip on the Tube in London, or when you accidentally realized you were lost, in Newark and you had to pay a crack head to help you out, or you forgot where your subway lets off in NYC {all true}  That type of feeling is what I got when I walked into this place.  It was that out of my personal comfort level.

Luckily , or in spite of all of these things and feelings, I was hand held through the ramp phases of this world by some very patient and good trainers who work there.  Even from the very start, while barely huffing through 100 meter run or learning how to do a push up (girl push up but whatever!) someone or a few pairs of eyes are always there to help you get through or learn it the right way.

In no particular order, things I love about this experience so far :

No mirrors. NO explanation needed. And you don’t need them, that is what the trainers are for.

Bloody hard work, but it is work that is doable for me because its not straight aerobic, its bursts of gymnastic type activity , strength training and short bursts of cardio – right up my alley.

Everything is what they call  ’ scaled down ‘ or fixed for your level of conditioning, this is kinda crucial and integral.

Everyone is extremely supportive. They all know exactly how hard this sh*t is and they cheer your slow ass on. Even when your last, all the time. I know this because, I am last, all the time.

You get with the lifestyle and diet pretty quickly because as one of the guys said ” you will not wan’t to eat bad anymore because your working out SO HARD”. No truer words could be said right there. That is some psychic sh*t because I hear those words every day and you couldn’t pay me to mess up where I am at now.

Numbers Don’t Lie : Week Three

172 Pounds ( 6 pound weight loss )

Down one size to 14

Seeing things in my body that take me by complete surprise { definition in the upper body, smaller upper leg area and clothes that are loose , LOOSE! and not loose because you wore the same pair of jeans 4 times in a row but really loose, for real, straight out of dryer loose }

The emotions { fears } I’ve learned to soften and dissolve just a touch as I am getting more confident in attending and changing my lifestyle.  One day I hope to completely exchange the fears with  things like intense excitement and amazement. Even amazement implies that a good thing was unexpected or incredible, not that it was normal { lack of positive attraction and all }.   Things don’t have to be bad ass  positive , you don’t have to be training for a marathon and you don’t have to be on a pinterest picture.  You can be hesitant and you can be a bit negative, realistic, caustic and a dash of gloomy and yet still change your health.

I can attest that I personally need the community and multiple hand holding  that crossfit elevate has afforded me to start a new life path.  Therefore, it perhaps wasn’t my lack of reaching for positive things after all, just a lack of help which is now what I have tenfold.  I just hope I can stick with it.

{{Will post again half way thru a whole 30 diet challenge I start tomorrow with some hopefully before and after photos}}

I want to especially thank Suzanne G at Crossfit Elevate Fulshear who has been so extremely patient with me in helping me learn new things! onwards, upwards.

 

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